MUCH ADO ABOUT BEER BARN

Yesterday, I was at Beer barn.
Now, this was my first time visiting the place so I didn’t know what to expect,
I told my sister I wanted to drink and dance, Beer Barn came highly recommended.

The exterior of Beer Barn looks like every regular joint in PH so I didn’t expect the mad crowd when I walked in.

If you’re claustrophobic Beer Barn is not the place for you. It was a struggle getting where to sit even. My friends had already settled and were drinking when I got there so I wanted to be sat close to them as much as possible.

We finally got where to sit and it was time to order drinks.
In my opinion, Beer Barn is disgustingly expensive especially for a place that does not give as much value.
Prior to this time, I’ve heard so much about Beer Barn, it was supposed to be the ultimate clubhouse in PH.
My Christmas day was going gloomy and I wanted my spirits lifted so of course, I agreed to go to Beer barn because of its hype.

When it was time to order drinks, we discovered that Friday is for Spirits. They don’t serve anything else other than Spirits. I wanted wine, I wanted to get drunk on sweet wine but all they could offer other than spirit was a N15K soured wine.

We spent at least 50 minutes before we settled on juice, a Chivita juice.
I wore a fucking bra to go drink juice at a club on Christmas day.

The only reason they agreed to serve us juice was because our friends were already taking spirits.

There were other sweet liquors like Amarula and Baileys but I’m lactose intolerant and these drinks contain creme, I didn’t want to have a shitty Christmas, literally so I grudgingly agreed to drink juice like a fucking baby.

I did notice later on that they were serving Chapman but that was only if your table orders a Moet, it was then that my eyes became open to the strategy that is Beer Barn.

I kept on wondering what attracted the crowd to this place. I mean you could barely shake your booty without whining on someone’s crotch. Why is this place fun?

Firstly, I have to confess that the Dj is amazing. You could literally dance all night if there was enough space for that.

Secondly, Beer Barn represents luxury for a lot of people simply because they are expensive and nothing else. Now, you must understand that luxury means different things to different people.
To most Nigerians, luxury means “only a few can access”, or “only the best can access”.

Beer Barn is obviously not my cup of tea but they have a target audience that will continuously keep them in business until a more expensive or ‘bougie’ place takes over.
Beer Barn acts as a sieve, the general idea is that if you can afford Beer Barn then you a big fish. When I say big fish, I obviously mean someone who can pay generously for transactional sex.

Oh Olivia, how did this become about transactional sex, I thought we were just talking about a clubhouse in Port Harcourt.
Well remember that I was sipping juice throughout the night, bored out of my fucking mind, so I had to keep my mind occupied in some way, I observed.

While I was sipping my juice, I got a lot of liquor offers. I rejected those offers because I didn’t want to drink spirits and I didn’t want the conversations that would commence after that. I mean, a man told my friend she should be nice to him because he was her destiny helper, a destiny helper going around announcing himself, yeah right.
The audacity Nigerian men have after they buy you anything or offer you any help is flabbergasting. You instantly owe him pussy because what else can a Nigerian woman offer a Nigerian man?

Okay, I digress. let’s go back on track to the second point I was making, the luxury and target audience thing.

Nigerians love to be gatekeepers of luxury, It’s why Dubai was such a massive hit, not everyone could afford it, if you could it meant you were a big fish. It’s the same thing with the bone straight hair trend, not a lot of people can afford it, so of course to Nigerians that is luxury.

You will hear people say “Dubai don cast”, wetin cast am, you’d ask.
It’s no longer much of a hit destination as it used to be, simply because more people can afford it.
Nigerians don’t like that.

And Beer Barn knows that.

They have to maintain the illusion that they’re a luxury brand, this keeps their target audience locked in. So people who think they’re the big fishes and those who want the big fishes would always flock there.

They keep stoking their customers’ ego and it works.
I mean numbers don’t lie.

Another thing I noticed was that they were plenty of white men at Beer Barn, and we all know that is the pinnacle of luxury for Nigerians. Don’t pretend like you don’t know, it’s a fact, a rather pathetic one.

My friend also mentioned to me that they usually serve other drinks on Wednesdays and Saturdays but Fridays were strictly for spirits and other expensive drinks.
And we all know Friday is the unofficial day for clubbing, so you see the strategy.

Anyway, would I visit Beer Barn again?
Apparently no, because it obviously isn’t my scene but if your definition of luxury and bougie is what I’ve described so far then you might want to pay a visit and spend that money or catch a big fish who would spend that money.

I mean before Beer Barn go follow cast.