The word closure is a very familiar term that I’m 100% sure we’ve all come across but It’s something I personally needed recently.
Ladies, I’m not talking about the weave closure that we use with hair extensions. In this post, the word closure is used in an emotional/relationship context.
WHAT IS CLOSURE
Prior to this time, if you asked me to define closure,I would probably say it has to do with heartbreaks/breakups in a relationship and you should go figure the rest yourself. I might later Google the term and see how the urban dictionary defined it. This is because I have never personally needed closure, so even if it’s a popular concept, It’s personally unfamiliar.
But quite recently, I went through a horrible breakup that found me needing closure.
To be honest, I’ve been going through so much. Experiencing a lot of new things, I love to look at it as part of growing. I’ve also cultivated the habit of reviewing the experience and taking as many lessons as I can to further better my life.
The fact that I am even writing a post about this is evidence that I’ve gone through the grieving stage and right now I’m reviewing that experience to take out possible lessons.
Personally, I will define closure as the stage (after or during grieving) that you need answers to facilitate the moving on process.
WHY DO PEOPLE NEED CLOSURE ?
People mostly need closure when they can’t make sense of why the break up happened, there’s a void that needs to be filled, there are just too many whys that needs answers. Until these questions are answered they would remain stuck in that place and it is impossible to emotionally move on.
Of course, it is very possible to get into another relationship, but because you haven’t gotten closure from the past relationship, you will be carrying the baggage, the insecurities and the unanswered questions from that previous relationship into the new one.
It’s like putting sour wine into a new bottle, does the new bottle make the wine new or fresh? Obviously a new container is not the solution. It’s the same with relationships, You have to properly heal and become refreshed so you do not take the sourness and baggage from your previous relationship into the new one.
This is why people need closure, they need to know the whys, so they can move on, properly heal and become better persons.
WHEN THERE IS NO CLOSURE.
This is when you almost run mad looking for answers. This was the situation with my ex and I remember randomly crying and getting emotionally downcast whenever I thought about him.
It was crazy because I didn’t know the why?
He never gave me any reason, he just ghosted me and honestly that is one of the scariest things that have ever happened to me.
I thought I knew this young man, he was one of my best friends, he was someone that I always consulted whenever I wanted to make a decision, I thought we were more than the sex, I thought we were cool but apparently I thought wrong.
More than anything, this made me doubt myself, and my supposed knowledge of people, am I really a black woman? Is my mom really my mom? What if I’m not alive and my 25yrs on earth has just been a dream? What is life? What is love? What do I really know?
At some point, I accepted that it was over but I needed to know why. I needed closure so I could move on with my life. I sent several messages but I didn’t get a peep from him.
I got tired of seeking answers and decided to find peace within myself,
What made it easy for me to find closure was the fact that I searched my conscience and did not find myself wanting, I had never wronged him during the course of our relationship, and that it is perfectly okay if he longer wants me in his life for whatever reasons.
Of course it is painful because I loved him but I have also learned to shed that baggage, I will not blame myself or beat myself down because I was ghosted, I have picked up only the lessons that I need to improve my life; but the shame and insecurity that comes with getting dumped, I have also left behind.
Interestingly, I do not hate him, I only feel slightly sad because we had an amazing friendship(or so I thought) prior to the relationship.
I am worthy, I am a valuable person and a BABE!
And so are you!
Irrespective of whether they’re no longer picking your calls and there’s the deep void in your heart that needs to be filled with answers.
Drop that shame and guilt that keeps weighing you down.
Stop carrying those baggage around as punishment because you think it’s your fault the relationship crumbled.
The one thing you should do especially if the answers aren’t forthcoming is to thoroughly search your heart, pick out the lessons from this experience and move on.
In the main time if you need a buddy, you send me an email at email@example.com or send a DM via Instagram @olivia_sose.
Until next time, Olives